from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we're so committed to being not committed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
