I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
