walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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