This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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