No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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