Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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