Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
