If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
