Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
