whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
