My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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