Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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