so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Four minutes until I can fart!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
