This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
