In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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