being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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