We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
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i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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