I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
