Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
