btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
