don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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