hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
