I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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