Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
