Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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