Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
