Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
