Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
