My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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