also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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