My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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