well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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