I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
