My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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