dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
