The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
