mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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