it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Randomize
