people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
