I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
