He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
