but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
