dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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