his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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