I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
