Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
