it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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