Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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