I think im going to throw up on grandma
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
