well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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