i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
