You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
