When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
