I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
