AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
