im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
