shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
