I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
