Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize